Why did this happen? Am I not enough? When did it start?
7 Steps to Save Your Marriage After Cheating
Where do I go from here? Can my marriage survive? Can trust be rebuilt? Is there still love? The answers to these questions are as individual as you are, however, it is true that some marriages can be saved after the heart-wrenching pain of betrayal, while others sadly cannot. How do you know which situation is yours? Affairs are almost commonplace these days. What type of boundaries do we have in place? Is it okay to be flirty?
Is it okay to have a close friend of the opposite sex who we share intimate secrets with? Where do we draw the line? And what constitutes infidelity? Is it sending or receiving naked photos? Is it provocative texting? Is it all of the above…. While some marriages can be resuscitated — and even made stronger — after betrayal, many others require divorce as the necessary and possibly the only choice. Infidelity and the actions of your spouse can damage your relationship beyond repair.
It takes hard work, dedication, and honesty to stay together. The good news is that you have a clear direction. You know in your heart and soul, that you cannot stay. For the rest of us, the answer is not so black and white. An affair may be symptomatic of a potentially larger problem, and the infidelity can be the wake-up call to action and identifying the real issues in your relationship. The true test comes with how you both handle the aftermath of the betrayal.
Those are the actions that will make or break your relationship. Are you AND your partner willing to do what it takes to heal your relationship? Are you both open to going to therapy? Rebuilding trust takes time and hard work. You will be required to remain present and vulnerable to someone who has hurt you, communicating your needs, and sharing what will make you feel more safe and secure in the relationship. If only one of you is trying to save your relationship, the chances for its success are slim to none. It requires you both to seriously work towards rebuilding trust, forging forgiveness, and returning to love.
Often the person cheating will initially go on the offensive — pointing fingers at her partner, and blaming him for the affair. Or even accusing the innocent spouse of invading or betraying their privacy.
If You Want To Save Your Marriage After An Affair, Read This | HuffPost Life
Is your spouse blaming you for the affair? Does he say the betrayal was because of your actions? Have you been working long hours? Spending all of your free time at the gym or with friends? Were you caught up in family life, and too tired to carve out any one-on-one time with your spouse? Most importantly, pay attention to how your spouse is communicating with you. Is he taking any responsibility for his actions, or is it ALL your fault? I had an affair, and my husband found out and beat me and says he wants me out of his life.
What must I do to make him forgive me? I dont want to lose him. You cheated on your husband, he beat you, and you don't want to lose him? This sounds like one seriously twisted relationship.
If You Want To Save Your Marriage After An Affair, Read This
You need to get yourself some therapy to figure out why you seek out such chaos. Not Helpful 3 Helpful What is the success rate to a second chance at a marriage after infidelity? The general success rate doesn't matter. What matters is your specific marriage. Decide what you want to achieve, then do everything you can to achieve it. If it still fails, at least you'll know you did everything you could. Not Helpful 2 Helpful 7.
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I cheated on my wife she says she will never let me touch her again and she doesn't find me attractive anymore. Is this just angry, hurt behavior or is this going to continue? This will probably last for awhile, but show your commitment, ask for forgiveness every day, and never go any where without her. Delete all social media off your phone so there is no temptation and she feels safe. Not Helpful 2 Helpful 6.
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How can I help my wife who had an affair realize that me recovering from it could take a decent amount of time? How do I get her on the more understanding side of things? This is more dependent on personality than factual insights. If she's not the understanding type, you're wasting energy. Take as much time as you need. You can also still decide to end the marriage after all. She'll have to put some work in to get what she wants. Instead of trying to help your wife, think of what you need and let her know you expect her to help you with that. Stand up a little stronger, demand respect.
Not Helpful 0 Helpful 2.
The Signs Your Marriage Is Over After Infidelity
I have cheated on my wife again by compartmentalizing the types of sex. It has broken her, but part of it is also because we are rarely intimate with each other since life gets in the way. How can I fix? The 'again' is key here, as is the 'also'. Accept that you're a cheater, and if your wife can't live with it, agree on a divorce and find a wife who can. You're looking for excuses in this compartmentalizing thing, and lack of intimacy, that's at least half your fault, too. Life doesn't get in the way of life, it gets in the way of today.
If today you two were too busy or tired to make love, that's fine; if life gets in the way every day, it's not life, it's you. Our son passed away a year ago. I have been moody and sometimes a little crazy; I have not dealt with it well. Just found out my husband has been cheating and blames my mood swings. Is there any hope? He is dealing with just as much pain as you are, but its not an excuse to betray the trust you have between you. You have to make a decision. He broke a bond of trust; it is delicate time, but blaming you for his mistake is not fair.
If you haven't gone to couples therapy, this would be a good time, as you're dealing with a lot of difficult and very complex issues: If there is hope, a professional would be able to tell you how to best pursue it. Do some online research of couples therapists in your area; most have profiles online that list their areas of specialization and their approach. If you're not happy with the first therapist you see, don't be afraid to try a second, or third, until you find one with whom you're both comfortable.
Not Helpful 0 Helpful 1. My wife cheated, but claims it wasn't wrong. She feels we were broken up at the time. It's not affairs that break up marriages: It's the unfaithful spouse's inability to be honest about what happened and leave the affair behind them, says Caroline Madden, a Burbank, California-based marriage therapist who specializes in affair recovery.
The betrayed spouse simply gave up trying when their husband or wife continued to be selfish, shady, and untrustworthy," said Madden, the author of Fool Me Once: If you're the partner who cheated, how do you prove to your spouse that you're committing to regaining their trust? Below, Madden and other experts share their best advice.
Be upfront with your spouse about the extent of the affair right from the start, said Madden.
She's seen firsthand how damaging it can be when an unfaithful spouse withholds information after the initial confession. The best approach, said Madden, is ripping off the Band-Aid all at once: Share vital details about the affair -- how long it lasted, what you told your affair partner about your marriage -- at the beginning so your spouse can decide if he or she can forgive "with eyes wide open. Answer every question your spouse has after you've come clean about the affair, said Michele Weiner-Davis , a Boulder, Colorado-based marriage therapist and the author of Divorce Busting: This period of increased accountability shouldn't last forever, but it proves you're committed to doing whatever it takes to get the relationship back on track.
It should go without saying that you need to break off contact with the other woman or man.