Don't let pride get in the way of doing the right thing. Acknowledge the contributions of others. Speak about people as if they were present. Represent others who aren't there to speak for themselves. Don't bad-mouth others behind their backs. Don't disclose others' private information.
Establish a track record of results. Get the right things done. Accomplish what you're hired to do. Be on time and within budget. Don't overpromise and underdeliver. Don't make excuses for not delivering. Be a constant learner.
- 5 Warning Signs You’re Leading With a Wounded Spirit | Leading with Trust.
- “At some point we have to kick off the training wheels and trust our inner sense of balance.”.
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Develop feedback systems both formal and informal. Act on the feedback you receive. Thank people for feedback. Don't consider yourself above feedback. Don't assume today's knowledge and skills will be sufficient for tomorrow's challenges. Address the tough stuff directly. Lead out courageously in conversation. Remove the "sword from their hands. Don't bury your head in the sand. Disclose and reveal expectations.
Renegotiate them if needed and possible. Don't assume that expectations are clear or shared. Take responsibility for results. Be clear on how you'll communicate how you're doing--and how others are doing. Don't avoid or shirk responsibility. Don't blame others or point fingers when things go wrong. Listen before you speak. Listen with your ears--and your eyes and heart. Find out what the most important behaviors are to the people you're working with. Don't assume you know what matters most to others. Don't presume you have all the answers--or all the questions.
Say what you're going to do, then do what you say you're going to do. Make commitments carefully and keep them. Make keeping commitments the symbol of your honor. Don't attempt to "PR" your way out of a commitment you've broken. Demonstrate a propensity to trust.
Extend trust abundantly to those who have earned your trust. Extend conditionally to those who are earning your trust. Learn how to appropriately extend trust to others based on the situation, risk, and credibility character and competence of the people involved. But have a propensity to trust. Don't withhold trust because there is risk involved.
Many trusted managers--credible people who lave high character and technical competence--never become "leaders" because they don't know how to extend Smart Trust. They essentially operate in Zone 4, the zone of suspicion. They may delegate, or assign tasks to others with parameters for their accomplishment. They may extend fake trust--in other words, give "lip service" to extending trust, but micromanage the activities.
But they don't fully entrust. They don't give to others the stewardships responsibilities with a trust that engage genuine ownership and accountability, bring out people's greatest resourcefulness, and create the environment that generates high-trust dividends. See all reviews. Amazon Giveaway allows you to run promotional giveaways in order to create buzz, reward your audience, and attract new followers and customers.
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Learn more about Amazon Prime. Lusseyran, born in Paris in to a middle-class family, lost his sight in an accident at school when he was eight years old. At first he felt anguish and despair, but he soon realized he was looking at his situation in the wrong way. This was more than a simple insight—it was a revelation:. He was seventeen when the Nazis invaded France and occupied Paris.
Driven by an inner resolve from the core of his being, he became a major leader of the Resistance, organizing a group of over six hundred young men to clandestinely produce and distribute an anti-Nazi newspaper throughout France and to help downed airmen find safe passage to Spain. Lusseyran, known as the Blind One, would personally vet each new member of his group in order to detect possible Nazi collaborators.
He could read others with extraordinary accuracy and gained a reputation for being infallible. He was, however, ambivalent about only one member that he accepted. This man betrayed him and the entire leadership a year later. Lusseyran and his comrades were arrested by the Gestapo, interrogated, and shipped to Buchenwald. After nearly dying there, he became an informal spiritual counselor to many of the men because of his inner radiance. He was one of the few to survive.
For Lusseyran, this guidance took the form of great insight, courage, and compassion in the most demanding circumstances imaginable. Sometimes my spiritually oriented clients wonder whether self-love, self-acceptance, and self-care will reinforce the ego. Loving and accepting ourselves as we are allows us to step off the inner battlefield and to relax the knot of inner division.
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Self-indulgence is different from self-care. Self-indulgence feeds the sense of being a separate self. When we become self-indulgent, our life is all about the little me. Self-care means that we listen to our core needs, set reasonable boundaries with others, and live in balance. It also means that we question all of our limiting beliefs that create suffering for ourselves and others.
And it means that we live in growing integrity with a deeper truth that we are not separate from anyone. Genuine self-care frees us to be more selfless. Our basic needs are fairly simple—food, shelter, rest, health, human connection, and meaningful work. Burnout—becoming exhausted, sick, and resentful—is pointless. There are times when we need to stretch beyond our normal limits in order to be there for others or to meet a work commitment.
At some point, however, we need to rest and replenish.
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The wisdom of the heart helps us to navigate these apparent dilemmas of when to say yes or no to the requests or demands of others. Sometimes a no will be the most wise and loving response in the long run, even if it temporarily disappoints someone. A no to someone else can be a yes to our inner truth. Self-love and acceptance can easily begin as mental principles that transmute into ideals against which we judge ourselves. For this reason, sometimes it is not that helpful to encourage people to accept themselves.
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If they have a hard time doing so, they will feel like failures. Further, injunctions engender resistance. I noted in chapter 4 of my book that the conditioned mind only accepts conditionally. Find a quiet place, sit comfortably, and close your eyes. Bring your attention to your heart center. Take several slow, deep breaths and let your attention settle down and in. Is there something within me that loves and accepts me just as I am?
Let the question go and be quiet.
Notice what happens in the area of your heart. If you can sense this place of self-love and acceptance, attune with it and let it in. Notice the impact as you do. Then imagine embracing the part of you that feels unacceptable and unlovable in the center of your heart.
Trust Your Heart: How to Connect With Your Inner Wisdom
Let the love saturate this part for several minutes. If you are unable to sense this place, ask yourself if there is a core belief about whether you are lovable and acceptable as you are. Then follow the experiment in chapter 4 about questioning core beliefs. We find unconditional acceptance in the depths of the heart.
The deeper our attention goes, the more compassion and understanding we discover. It is as if there is a secret spring in the core of the heart. In chapter 2 of my book, I described three levels to the heart: The egoic level is concerned with our self-image and its related feelings of pride, shame, self-esteem, and self-loathing. This level goes very deep, and much of our attention is ordinarily absorbed in maintaining an image acceptable to ourselves and others.
The questions that arise from this level are: Do you see me? Do you like me? There is a natural desire and need to be accurately and appreciatively seen and to have what is seen reflected back to us—in psychological terms, to be mirrored. A certain amount of mirroring is necessary for attention to move beyond the self-image and self-story. Receiving it supports our self-trust and the ability to stand on our own. My clients and students often report journeying through increasingly subtle layers of their hearts.
As they do so, they discover why they closed their hearts and put up a series of barricades in the first place. Each wall is connected to an old emotional injury—a deep hurt due to abuse or neglect that was too much to bear at the time. Sometimes these walls appeared suddenly, and other times they appeared incrementally. It was easier and safer to shut down and armor the heart than to stay open and feel. It takes courage and vulnerability to reopen these sensitive depths.
Wounds to the heart are usually relational in origin, so the healing will often come through the loving acceptance and attunement of another person, be it a family member, friend, partner, or therapist. This process of healing takes time. As the heart heals and clears, greater depths unfold. At some point, we may encounter what feels like a sacred core—what some call the soul. It is the place of greatest relational intimacy, whether we are relating as spiritual friends or lovers. Here the heart is undefended, innocent, and open. Each individual offers complete access to the other.
It is a place of love, gratitude for life, compassion, appreciation, and joy. It is deeply touching to sit with people and experience their journey into this inner sanctum together. Will Johnson, author of Rumi: Gazing at the Beloved—The Radical Practice of Beholding the Divine , offers the following poem, among others from Rumi, as evidence that Shams and Rumi spent most of their ninety days together gazing:.
I have found that meditative gazing with an open friend or partner tends to evoke this soulful level of contact. A deep longing of the heart is fulfilled when this level of relational intimacy is touched. The taste of these sacred waters is extraordinarily sweet. Gazing with a partner is a beautiful practice that I highly recommend. When meditatively gazing with someone, it is best to have no agenda and simply be open to what unfolds in the moment.
It is never the same experience from session to session. You can go as long as you like, although thirty minutes is usually sufficient. The intention with this practice is simply to be open to what unfolds within you and between you and your gazing partner. Sit comfortably across from your partner.
Leaders should be focused on building others up, not tearing them down. But more importantly, is that you? Are you Negative Nelly? Consider these questions to see if you might be letting negativity rule your leadership reactions: Is your first response to new ideas to find fault or explore how they might work?
Critical, questioning, deep thinking and analysis should be a normal part of your leadership repertoire, but there is a time and place for it. If you find that negativity is your standard M.
Apathy — Leaders can be wounded to a point where they give up. They may still show up to work and go through the motions, but their heart and soul is no longer in the job. Leaders should be change agents, always on the lookout for how they can improve as individuals and how their teams can grow and become more effective. All of us leaders are wounded in one way or another. Posted on February 8, by Randy Conley.
Many wonderful sayings in this article. My entire challenge is to allow Jesus Christ to lead through me, and raise up other effectual leaders. I like that statement of leadership that it begins on the inside and eventually comes out. Not only is it being… it is relating in being… so Christ can move through us with God receiving all glory… and those relationship dynamics functioning. Pride is our greatest problem. And realizing one is behaving as a fool… helps stop foolish behaviors.
As you point out, one of our most important roles as leaders is to reproduce other leaders. They are host of all the other problems you listed, I believe. I am really an optimist but I never found a cure for them so far. I tend to avoid them and seriously think that such leaders are intolerable. My customers literally could tell what I said about a certain subject and what shoes I wore two days ago.
Many times the only solution is to find a new leader. Randy, This happens more than we think. The wounded spirit begins to impact other areas of life as well. The wound spreads to home and community life. Do we leave the place we are? Do we try to change the culture, others, ourselves…? Tough questions so looking forward to your second part. Thanks for your comments Jon. You are so right, our wounded spirit shows itself in all areas of our life and can actually become a crutch for us. We grow so used to living in a dysfunctional way that it becomes our expected reality.
Sometimes I know these are reactions to past pain or difficulties that are triggered in the present situation. There have been some frank conversations where I have apologized to my team even thought they may have thought it funny or agreed with the sarcasm at the time.