Jo Piazza writes with verve and heart. A must read for anyone seriously considering joining your life to the life of another. You will find this gem of a book to be an enlightening roadmap of the pathway ahead. I laughed, I cringed, I almost considered divorcing my husband in order to marry him all over again. Buy the Audiobook Download: Apple Audible downpour eMusic audiobooks.
Add to Cart Add to Cart. About How to Be Married Everyone tells you marriage is hard, but no one tells you what to do about it. Also by Jo Piazza. Inspired by Your Browsing History. Tahl Raz and Beth Comstock.
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How to Be Married
I've been going on girls' trips for as long as I've been married. Yes, I love traipsing off with my spouse and three kids. But these weekends away with friends are also important. Swapping stories with others and enjoying new experiences make me -- I hope -- a more interesting person for my spouse to be around.
Do You Know How to be Married? | Psychology Today
When Katie Couric asked Barbra Streisand the secret to her happy year marriage to James Brolin, she replied "time apart. There are many things you should never say to a longtime spouse, the first being: It's also never a good idea to start a sentence with: We hopefully all have a pretty good sense of ourselves at this point and having someone you love point out a failing in this way does little to engender a loving relationship. Neither of these is true. If you start a sentence with these words your mate is certain to shut down or start a fight.
Stop for a minute and think about what you really mean to say -- and then say that instead. In life, there are big things and there are little things.
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The big things -- draining the bank accounts to support a gambling habit, forgetting to mention that he's in the federal witness relocation program living under a false identity or that he has a second family stashed in Queens -- are of course one-way streets to divorce court. But most of us don't have problems of that magnitude. Most of us have problems that are more like petty and repeated annoyances, which when fed the steroids of resentment and anger, balloon up like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
And we all know what steroids did to his heart , right? Most of our problems start out small enough -- he borrows the jumper cables from your car and then leaves them sitting in the driveway just waiting to get run over -- and from that sprouts a giant festering sore.
My thoughts after 40 years of happy ( well reasonably happy) marriage.
It leads you to utter words like, "If you loved me you would have put the jumper cables back in my car so that when I get stuck in a bad neighborhood with a dead battery I could save myself," which, in my household, generally results in a reply like "When do you ever drive in bad neighborhoods?
It is the small annoyances that, if left unaddressed, do us in. For a happier marriage, address them right away and keep it simple. Sometimes the best way to address a problem is to just walk away from it -- as in seriously let it go. Not every slight must be addressed. Know that not every insult is intended. Practice letting go as much as you can. Bite your tongue until the tip bleeds. And once in a while, remind yourself of why you married this person.
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Focus on those reasons and let stuff pass without mention. The trick to successful silence, however, is that you really let the problem pass. If you stay silent and still harbor bad thoughts, well, that's where ulcers come from. As the Beatles told us, "Let It Be. Relationships aren't flat-lined; that's death, actually. Life has ups and downs, peaks and valleys. We all go through periods where the mere thought of life without our partners can bring tears to our eyes and then a week later we can't stand the sound of their breathing next to us.
We've all been there. The trick is knowing that you won't stay in either place forever.
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Truth is, in a marriage, you spend most of your time in an emotional middle ground. It's not songbirds chirping, nor is it considering which poison in his pasta will cause the most painful demise. This middle ground isn't the couple who sit in the restaurant across from one another without conversing. Those people have actually flat-lined and just don't know it yet. No, the middle ground is when months meld into years and you know what the reaction will be before you say something. It's when the book you finished last night just migrates automatically to the nightstand on his side and he tells you about the recorded "Modern Family" episode you slept through.
It's the every day ebb and flow without the waves. We tend to take advantage of those we love the most -- probably because we know they love us and we can get away with it. It's the old kick-the-cat syndrome. You have a bad day at the office and come home and take it out on your mate. A much healthier pattern is to start out each day by asking yourself, "What can I do today to make my partner happy?
Doesn't it make more sense to put your best face on for someone you love? Look for ways to say "yes. That sometimes means sitting through endlessly long ball games, putting on a tie, watching a horror movie with your eyes closed, and traveling around old Civil War battleground sites when you really wanted to be vacationing on a beach in Hawaii.